Unfortunately, parents don’t take time to teach their children about the tricks of the trade of good relationships, we’ve had to learn it ourselves. Nonetheless, just “tolerating it” is not healthy. True we all learn from our mistakes, this is also true with our relationships, however when you keep tolerating in the hope of keeping a relationship, it will one day bite you and hurt you deeply; this is a wrong foundation for any relationship.
I’ve come across people who do not like conflict; such people tend to tolerate most wrong doings in their relationships rather that deal with the issues they’re not happy about. There are quite a few means of dealing with relationship conflict, however, you need to be careful as most are not effective in some cases. Most of these practices tend to help you feel better in the short-term but do not deal with the long-term outlooks of the relationship.
Truth is, I’ll never know all there is to know about you just as you will never know all there is to know about me. Humans are by nature too complicated to be understood fully. So, we can choose either to approach our fellow human beings with suspicion or to approach them with an open mind, a dash of optimism and a great deal of candour. – Tom Hanks
Common relationship mistakes you need to avoid:
Using gifts as medicine.
Have you seen in the movies where a partner gets caught having an affair or out of guilt, take their other half on an exotic holiday or bought them expensive gifts? Perhaps to stop him getting mad you for letting your sister to move into your house without a discussion… you allow him to buy that sports car he’s always wanted, but deep down you truly wish he doesn’t buy that car!
- Covering up relationship issues with money and exciting diversions doesn’t last. The same problem comes back, only a little stronger next time.
Using on clues as an effective form of communication.
Sometimes, your partner won’t get the message. Other times, they get the message; dropping hints instead of stating your desires directly is not an effective form of communication.
- Rather, take responsibility for what you need and want and express them clearly. You’re much more likely to have your wishes respected this way.
Intimidating the relationship
Only those who are insecure would tolerate this tactic for a long time. When you threaten, or intimidate someone you’re in a relationship with as a means of getting what you want, you weaken the relationship. It puts the other person on guard that there’s a possibility you will leave them if they do something wrong.
- Using drama to get your way increases the intensity and frequency of drama in the overall relationship. You might get your way in the short-term, but there is a huge price to pay.
This is another form of using clues or hints, only the hint here is less clear, and you’re punishing the other person in the process. Be considerate, be mindful of your conduct and be assertive enough to tell your partner what it is that you want.
- If someone you’re in a relationship with offends you, find a way to deal with the underlining issue.
Tit for tat.
This is one of those childish plays! No doubt you are aware this one. You were unavoidably delayed at your meeting and were unable to attend your spouse’s work Christmas party with him, so he uses that as an excuse to skip out on your sister’s wedding. Whenever you’re using past negative events committed by your partner as an excuse to behave poorly yourself, resentment is the result.
- The opposite is true, too. Keeping track of your good deeds and refusing to do anything else for your partner until they’ve evened the score doesn’t create an environment that fosters healthy relationship growth.
Failing to take responsibility for your own happiness
Happiness is a decision you make. Only you can make you happy. Stop blaming your partner for not making you happier. You have control over your emotions; you can decide to exhibit a positive or negative emotions. If your best friend told you about her outing with her friends from work, do you frown and condemn her for making you feel bad?
- This is a good example of co-dependency. Your emotions are your own responsibility. Those that you are in relationships with are all responsible for their own emotions.
The above 6 common mistakes are relationship killers. Know that your partner is just as human as you are – imperfect and learning to get to that place of perfection…if such a place exists! There are days that you will get so much from them and some days might be a struggle to even get a little slice… but it’s okay. The other key to a successful relationship is the ability to communicate directly and fairly. Take responsibility for your emotions, too.
Enjoy a healthy and lasting relationships by refraining from doing those things that will weaken them!